Crazy

Wow. Some people just don't know when to stop instigating and making things worse, they have no fuckin life they try to live it through others. And to the people who WON'T let go, wow theyre even worse. I cant believe how stupid some people are forreal, scared.

Like a puzzle.

I've been going through a lot of stuff these past few weeks and they've definitely put a damper on myself. Feeling and experiencing things I've never felt or had to do before have all been rendering my mind to do what it does best: think. A lot...providing me angst instead of peace.. -_- I shall move on! woo..I'm following my "daily routine" again.. and that's always a good sign. Right? I'm eh right now, sure. But It really is whatever.

Oh, and I just bought another pair. Sigh. I swear this is addicting.
Like cocaine is to a Colombian, Nike is to Nikka.

I think I only buy a lot of things because its the only consistent thing in my life..that keeps me happy? I mean getting new shoes/clothes never make you unhappy, nothing can go wrong with spending a little cash, especially if you find a good deal. So this explains the pile of neglected shoes i have laying around, they all keep me happy the moment i get them. But later on, it doesn't change anything else in my life, but I guess temporary smiles and a few "YAY's" are good enough.

My slave.

It seems like everyone always writes in their blogs when theyre feeling angry, sad, frustrated or just freakin depressed. Yeah, me too..but that's going to change. It's 2009 and i realized, well I didn't but someone made me realize that we spend too much time hating, blaming and judging others when we could easily let them live their lives and just be happy with our own.

Yeah, I'm gonna make a decision this year, that my slave is passion and joy. I'm my own advocate. We always say we're striving to become happy and this and that hoo ha horse shit, but really, we're not. We spend more time hating why others are so GAHDAMN idiotic, but that just makes YOU crazy cause' you can't let go and let loose. So..ah.. i'm relieving myself by relieving others, because no one likes you on their case all the time, and ha, i know i'm a bitch to most of you guys cuz damn, you're all stupid--ha ha jk. but yeah, BEEEEEE FREE! cuz we're BORN FREEE as freee as the grass grows as free as the --- LALALA. :D

“Your prison is nothing in comparison with the inner prison of ordinary people: the prison of attachment, the prison of anger, the prison of depression, the prison of pride.”

oh yeah another thing, intuition? PFFT. I don't think i should listen to mine anymore, because it's been leading me towards all the wrong directions, its just made me paranoid, angry, jealous and unhappy. We always let our emotions rule us, but when it comes to happiness, sometimes you have to give reason a chance. I'll ignore my gut for now, and just let things be... besides..if it turns out that I was right .. and i get kicked in the ass.. well .. "everything happens for a reason" right? and its just gonna lead me somewhere else. Faith. It's a beautiful thing.

Adios Amigos.

Tired

I think I've lost that grasp of connection that I used to feel when it came to.. you know. I thought I could get it back, but right now it does not even seem plausible.

It scares me how much I keep thinking about this. Everything that I used to believe... it just doesn't seem like it applies to me anymore. If there are any emotions inside me about myself, I'd say I feel weak, doubtful, and tired. My all does not feel like it has any value whatsoever, so why even have it?

Maybe it's not that easy anymore. Something in me is....blah. And way to start a new year right..? Yeah...

This has dried up and stayed behind,
and if I stay I'll be alive then choke on words I'd always hide.

Forgive me first love, but I'm too tired.

It goes by so fast .. hello

School starts in two days.

And 2009. Really? Already?
Six more months. I can't believe this.

So soon, yet so incredibly far away. This year I'm: graduating high school. I'm going to college. I'm turning 18.

May this upcoming year be a hell of a lot better than '08.