pause.

i woke up feeling this
that rush of heat, once again
all over my body.
it wasn't a good feeling. its a feeling i never want to feel again
but for the past 4 days, its all i could feel
i lay there tossing and turning, i couldn't help myself
im sorry for complaining but its just unusual.
i felt like i was on the floor getting kicked in the stomach
like i was back in the 2nd grade
oh man, 2nd grade.. how id love to go back to those days
age of innocence, youth and bliss
age where i knew nothing of love, hate, jealousy-- any of this.
but this all comes with time, as we grow
growing? i hate that. i don't want to grow up.

this is my first time, just the first.
and i thought it would never come to this
i didn't think it would happen to me
looking at everyone else, scoffing. feeling pity on them
id never have to go through that-- i said.
but i guess this is the first of the many thats soon to come throughout my years.
12 times. damn
but he said its just normal, i don't wanna believe him but i guess i should, i hate you.
i cant ignore this, it'll come and ill be waiting and anticipating. sigh
i call this a period, but i wish it was just a pause